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Loneliness!



Below is a story that was originally written (by me only) on 28/02/2007, only publishing it late. Hope you like it!

When the last of the guests left, I went back into the hall to feel the emptiness that’s not only in the room but also inside me. It’s strange how even a house full of people can also make you feel so lonely. Sometimes I would just wake up to see if I really am as alone as I feel, only to find a warm body breathing steadily beside me, so very peaceful, so much unlike me.

Does anyone else feel what I feel? Has anyone in the house noticed? I crept downstairs into the library; I fixed myself a drink from the leftovers on the bar, picked up the book that I had seen him read. He looked so much interested & lost in it. I had walked past him twice to make him notice me. But he didn’t. Not that I’m surprised, I don’t even look into the mirror anymore, in the fear that maybe I’m really invisible!

I couldn’t read a word, so I just finished my drink, lit up a cigarette & opened the door that leads to the garden. Oh! That beautiful garden. I had made him spend so much for those precious flowers. No one takes care of them anymore. Even when I tell the care-taker to water the flowers & pluck the weeds out, he just ignores me like he never heard me. Only my dog seems to notice me now-a-days. He barks at me but wont play with me.

Every Sunday I’ve seen my husband take my little baby out. I asked him several times, where are you going? Can I come with you? But he wouldn’t reply. Today, Saturday night, he called all his friends & played a few rounds of the card games that they always played & I never understood. Tomorrow I will follow him. I want to know where he goes!

I went back inside, checked up on my sleeping baby & returned to my room. He was still asleep, never noticing my absence. Tomorrow I will know everything! I’ll know the reason for all this ignorance. I stayed awake all night wondering.

Its Sunday morning, he went about with waking up early, getting dressed & getting my baby dressed as well. He bathe him, changed him, fed him & left. It’s been like this for nearly a month now. I was determined to follow him. I recognized his car parked at a distance. I started walking in the direction. But he didn’t take his car. Instead kept walking ahead & stopped only at a florist round the corner. He picked up the most beautiful bunch & handed them over to the little bundle in his hand. I saw my baby smile the most adoring & innocent smile. I wanted to go over & hold him, but I didn’t want to distract them. What if he sees me & changes his mind or destination? I couldn’t risk that.

He continued walking & I kept following at a distance. Even if he noticed me there, he never turned around once nor did he break his pace. Suddenly he stopped. Not at a signal, nor a pedestrian, but at a gate. He entered the gate, took the flowers from the little hands & laid them on the ground in front of a name. It was a grave with my name on it.

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